comment wall



Link to my Storybook :)





Image of Seattle, Washington, the location that my stories will take place. Image taken in Seattle, Washington. Image Source: Maxpixel 

Comments

  1. Hi Jessica,

    WOW! I was really impressed with your storybook so far! I appreciate the amount of detail you included in your introduction and really liked the phrases that you made in italics... I think that these emphasized words gave little hints to what is going to happen in your stories later on!

    I am curious if these characters that you presented are going to interact in the airport... I liked the introductions you included to each of the characters, and it seems as if they all have very successful careers. I was wondering what part of their lifestyles would make their families question if they can behave as adults?

    I liked the overall layout of your storybook and the photos you included. The structure of the paragraphs also makes it easy to read. One thing I noticed is that your title of the storybook is "Diary Entries", so I think that it would be really cool to tie this in somewhere in your storybook... Like maybe start your stories off with "Dear diary..." etc.

    Great job! I can't wait to read more!

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  2. Hi Jessica!

    To begin, I think you may have a minor technical mistake when navigating back and forth from your comment wall to your storybook. For some reason, when I try to use the links, it says there is an error. I would double check that you have your links properly added, so that people can easily comment on your project.
    When reading your introduction, I was immediately hooked. You use great literary techniques, such as the ellipses and italics, that really helped set the scene for an exciting storybook. The background of each of the characters was full of detail, and each of the three seemed relatable. Each character had real and modern world struggles (expectations from their family, love life insecurities, and such). Your introduction is fantastic! I was mainly just confused on the origin of your story, and the source from which you are retelling. I would definitely implement this into your introduction, as it would add to the readers understanding of inspiration for all of this. Overall, however, I am so excited to read more!

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  3. Hey Jessica,

    The first thing I noticed was that I couldn't see the link to your introduction without having to go to the menu option at the top left corner, and it made me just want to exit out and try a different storybook to read. I saw a few minor typos, and would recommend proofreading or using a spell-check feature (if there is one). I like how you give a background about each different character. I am curious as to how this will relate to mythology and folklore, perhaps you can give a little hint on your intro page. I am also curious as to how the diary entries will play out. If they're stuck at the airport, are they going to be interacting with each other at all? Is this where they will be writing in their diaries? Are we going to find out what their families think? I feel like I came out of your introduction having no idea what to expect. I would recommend telling the reader what to expect in the next few pages.

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  4. Hi Jessica! I really like the concept of this storybook. I love reading stories and books that are based around diary entries, so I feel like I'm really going to like this one. I am a little curious about how this will tie into mythology and folklore more, so I'm looking forward to reading the future stories to see! I'm also wondering where each character is from. I'm sure you'll get into it in each character's diary entry, but I thought it was a little incongruent that you mentioned Eleanor was from Texas while not mentioning where the other two characters are from. I am also a bit confused about what each character will be writing about — you mention that the diary entries will be about what has happened since they left home, but only Anna Kate has an explicit problem in Seattle mentioned (her love life). I wonder if something will happen that leads Charles to believe that he doesn't actually have it all, or if Eleanor will realize that her family/the country isn't so bad?

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  5. Hi Jessica,
    Your site is set up nicely and I like the the premise of your storybook.
    I was a little confused, at first, by the homepage. It seemed like it was setting up a storybook for diary pages of Hans Christian Andersen. Could the homepage should explain the premise a little more?
    The statement "I love that for me" at the end of the fourth paragraph is a little confusing. Does she love that he "couldn't help himself " or?
    And is it in the past? the fourth paragraph seems to imply that it still happens when he is with her?
    I like the situation swap. The girl is testing the guy, although I wish that Anna Kate had a different outlook on relationships, maybe communicated with her partner, I like the way that you mirrored the original story.
    Maybe the sign off should be more like
    "An utterly suprised yet happy,
    Anna Kate"
    I don't know if that is the proper format but I think it flows better.

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  6. Jessica,
    I have to say that I am really impressed at the way your story reads. I am always impressed when people do different variations of diary entries. I myself have never thought to do one and thought it would be quite difficult, but they way your story diary reads are compelling. I was interested right from the start and it carried through the rest of the story. I wanted to know more about the life of Anna Kate. I also like how the story reads as if it is the thoughts of Anna. I feel as though when you used italics made it seem almost stressed, like you are trying to draw more attention to these lines. I am not sure why, but it really works. I also like the way this portion of the story ends. The way your website looks is also quite good. The picture used is also really nice and fits with the story. Overall I have to say well done!

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  7. Hey Jessica!
    To start, I love the idea of making the storybook a series of diary entries. That is how my storybook originally started out before I made some changes. Now mine is a series of prayers! It was really neat to read how you are planning on highlighting some of Anderson's lesser known stories- I am really looking forward to keeping up with those! Something I am curious about- will you be writing many different stories for your storybook, or are you sticking with Anna Kate's story and continuing with that love story? I really enjoyed reading the whole story, so I am looking forward to either hearing more about her and Noah or hearing more stories you write. I like the perspective that you wrote from, I think it definitely seemed like a diary entry! I only noticed a few grammatical errors, so great job! I can't wait to keep reading!

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  8. Hi there! First of all, you did an INCREDIBLE job on your storytelling! I absolutely love the idea of Dear Diary, and to make it even better, I am obsessed with the show Grey's Anatomy, so that intrigued me even more when you had brought it up. I think you did a great job at narrating your thoughts throughout the story. It felt as though you were talking directly to me. I also really enjoyed the organization of the story, such as how you italicized thoughts to make them more distinct from the rest of the story. I had so much fun reading this story, and I cannot wait to see what other stories you add in! Will they be about Anna Kate and Noah getting married perhaps? Or, will there be some drama sprinkled in that they have to get through together? Either way, the tone and language of your story made for a very fun and exciting read! Great work!

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  9. Hey Jessica,

    I really liked your first story! I felt that it was very descriptive and gave us a great idea about what was going on in this person’s life. I hope the other stories that we get to read are just as great! I like how you structured this story as a diary because it gives it such a more authentic feel, than if we were just reading a retelling of the original story. The diary aspect allows us to get in depth with the character and get on a more personal level with her. One thing I do have a complain about is that when I try to go to your comment wall with the link it does not let me go there. Also, when I click the link to your storybook from your comment wall, I encounter an error 404 code. I do not know if that is just me that is encountering that but just thought I would let you know. One last thing I wanted to know is what other stories will be reading? I am excited to read more of your storybook.

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  10. Hi Jessica!

    I just finished reading through your first two diary entry stories. One quick note to start off with, I think that you may have a problem with the link you have on your home page that is supposed to direct to your comment wall. If clicked, it says that I don't have the permission to view that page, but if I go through the link Dr. Gibbs has put on her randomizer, that works. So, you may want to try re-linking it. Anyway, I thought your story ideas were interesting. I did stumble a little bit trying to figure out how the first entry was related to the Princess and the Pea story, but perhaps I'm missing something. My other main critique would be to limit your usage of italics. They seem to be used at random, and it really threw me off when I was reading because I kept trying to figure out what they were supposed to indicate to me. Anyway, good work so far, and good luck moving forward! :)

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  11. Hi Alli,

    I really like your stories and the clever changes you made to the originals. I have to admit that I especially loved the Charlie story. I actually work with a couple of Harvard educated attorneys. While they are both really nice and there is no doubt about their brilliance, they would absolutely fit the bill of Naked Emperor! Great analogy. This week we are supposed to focus on your author's notes, and I thought yours were really good. It is great that you take a few lines to tell the original story since not every reader will take the time to read it. It helps your site stand alone. Great job. The only suggestion I could make would be to describe in a little more detail the setting/time change and your thinking behind that.
    Great job.

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  12. Hey there Jessica! For some reason the link that Prof. Gibbs has for your comment wall took me to your introduction, so I am not sure if that is something that you want to check out or not! I was really curious about your project because diary style stories are so interesting in my opinion. I loved to see that your first story was medically themed because I am a pre-med major! I love Grey's Anatomy, and so of course that was my favorite of all of your stories, however, the little mermaid retelling of yours was also fantastic. Your layout was great and the images you chose to use fit in really well. Everything read easily, and your author's notes helped fill in any gaps or questions that I had after reading. Overall, you did a wonderful job and I look forward to seeing if you decided to add a part two to your final story or not.

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  13. Hey Jessica! I really enjoyed reading your storybook. First of all, your background pictures fit each page perfectly, and the design of your storybook as a whole is really clean. I liked that you chose to write your stories in the format of a diary entry. The first-person language really gives the reader insight on the protagonists' personalities. Your stories all flow really well in terms of the plot line, and your main characters' perspective is also really useful in advancing the story. Your writing is also very descriptive, which helps paint a picture of your story. Your author's note is also very helpful in filling in the blanks for someone who might not know as much about your stories. What if you included more dialogue in your stories? I know that your stories are diary entries, but it might help punch certain parts of your story. Overall, I really like how everything tied together!

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  14. Hi Jessica!

    I absolutely love your storybook! I think it's one of the best ones I've read this semester. I love the easy-going and fun tone your stories has. I really enjoyed reading all of your stories but I especially loved reading the first one about Dr. Anna Kate. At first I didn't even realize that it was based on The Princess and the Pea until the last paragraph where Anna Kate is finally understanding what Noah was doing. And at the same time I got that light bulb moment too where I realized what the story was based on. That just proves that you did an awesome job with your writing. I also loved the small Grey's Anatomy references you threw in there. Also, I like that all of your banner images match with what the story was about. Overall, I think your stories were so fun to read and I think you did a great job on this storybook!

    ReplyDelete
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